is the gaming industry dead?

is the gaming industry dead?


i dunno.

to me it is.  my mentor and friend, Werner Deinemer, from Calpella CA passed away on 9/26.  He ran Werner's House of Games.  He was smart, ultra cool, played poker and was very kind to his customers.  I was his customer for 17 - 20 some years, i guess, can't remember....  so long.  I feel an unfathomable level of guilt in regards to his passing.  I was supposed to be putting up flyers and helping his little shop stay afloat by buying more stuff and getting his web presence up.  My girl of 11 years leaves on July 21, a month from our anniversary and start of 12h yr together.  Heavy depression ensues.  Heavy drinking, skirt chasing and Dwarf Fortress.  Lost / fucked off a chance at a job.  More depression.  more bad.  more dorf. 


after basically locking myself away from the world.  No Phone to check on people, no going out to talk to him, no forcing my friends to stop by or check on him. i basically think everything's fine...  hunky dory.

on 9/21 I damn near got in a fucking car wreck on the coast.  but i save me and my bro's asses.  this fucks shit up even more.  i've been through beatings and shit, and have mental problems and a hereditary heart condition.  so, i'm back at mom's and going back and forth to watch a fn house, and all the while ...  i'm thinking everythings fine with him.  of course i'm having an adrenaline high at the time that could knock out an elephant.  so i'm doing anything and every substance that i can come across to get rid of the rush and the madness and anger and fear and more and more flashbacks. 


so, more and more beer, more and more Dwarf Fortress.  more and more pot.  more and more bar hopping.  .  my muscles are still un cramping as of this moment, and my stomach is finally letting in water and human food.

and my ego is bruised, and i'm  a former child actor and my freinds are in bands and they're not insane and 86'd from bars and can play and get chicks, but sometimes they can't and their egos get bruised and they didn't paid at that gig, and they don't really make any money, ...  okay ....   enough about the band.

this

so...   i partied.  i lived it up more....

i had a chick up for a couple of days, we had some fun...  partied, fooled around, watched trailer park boys, discussed the occult. etc. 

i didn't check on Werner. 
the chick leaves.  a day or so later i call to check on a controller and a 360 he had for me, set up a drop off and pick up with a bro of mine.   no luck at the house.  maybe he's at the bar, maybe he's at the store.  maybe he had to go to the hospital.  ...  I try his cell phone.   it rings ...  and rings...  and rings...  like 7 times.  then picks up... a woman whimpering picks up the phone...  shaking...  "hello"...  "hey, it's anon...  can i talk to werner i gotta get the 360 nd im sorry i havent't ..."  interrrupted by her screming and crying...  "HE DIED"...  blurrd after that heart sunk.  i haven't touched a controller since.  there's no money to bury him.  He wasn't eating right since gamestop moved into Ukiah, a couple years ago.  he was a diabetic and needed a special diet and medicine.  his sales droppped so low that he was selling knives and art and films to get by sometimes.  this hurts.   i fucking hate myself.   i despise gamestop.

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