hi dan

 Hi, Dan. 

I remember back in february of 2020 before the covid fun, how you told me that I don't have enough content on my youtube, spotify, bandcamp, etcetera.  You also told me that it was okay to go tyour parties, and do drugs, but I could not play there.  ABSOLUTE NO, because my stuff is too weird, too abstract and too "non-commercal", and non standard. 

If I would have wanted it in a commerial, it would have been pepsi, or coke, nothing in your rules.  Or Nike, Nintendo or Sony.

You should have hired Daft Punk and Kraftwerk, and ...  whats, "their" name...  Skrillex?  ...  Or how about Burroughs and Gyson loops over and over again?

I am around you, sir.  I am around all of you. , Humans .  You're just using the wrong eyes, the wrong ears and the wrong minds.  Elitism is so smooth for the Nor Cal music Scene.

You can come to my shows.  You can do your drugs, at my shows, but you can ...  NOT PLAY AT THEM, ABSOLUTLY NOT.

We'll use cadavers for two line batteries to power the low watt piece of shit stereos, induce some citrus in the blood streams of the poor fucks ...  these are just "found objects", by the way, not our doing.  None what so ever.

Adonis is no longer.  I feel a deep strain of anger from Kate that I have never felt.  A deep, deep water.  Like something the Titanic*(TM), should have planned for.    I wished that we (Mother and I), would have talked things through before such a person back into my life.  I am troubled, now, I can not sleep well, due to the fear of my room being broken into, my things broken, me beaten up and or possibly killed, as well as mom.

I just wanted a break. The reasons that raves for me were good was because...  I could go and dance with women.  It made me feel great.

Sometimes I would get their numbers and we would hang out after the shows or visits.  At times sending encoded numerical texts via pager, whilst we got closer and closer to each other, town by town.  before nights of fun/.  Pagers and Pay phones from the time I used them until I stopped were fun.  Sending encoded messages regarding drugs, sex, or other stuff was a dance unlike any other.

The search for the nearest by payphone meant doing something or not.  Getting something or not.  It meant function and timing.  The American Way.

First come, first Serve.  

First Serve, first come.

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If even if it was that I was late for a computer job, a "date", or what not, those pager things were reliable.  You could get a page at about 1:04AM that said they paged you an hour or so before, and you could fix what ever was that needed to be fixed.  Mendocino, Lake, and Sonoma Counties had areas in which a page couldn't be received for hours at times, especially when out at a party, away from the main roads and signal repeaters for pagers at the time.

The parties were sometimes beautiful, bright, large things.  Some times they were in single wide mobiles, or out of the counties completely.

I'm not waiting for a bright day glow light stick filled future.  I'm looking forward to quiet times, relaxation, and creation, one day at a time, no matter what.

I'm not looking for mosh pits, nor strip clubs (*BULLSHIT), i'm just looking for care and support and kindness and less violence and aggression..

+OCM+

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