Dear Colonel;
I don't know if I'll be able to view the new film right off the bat for a few reasons.
1/ A - Low Funds.
2 / B - Recovery. It will be 15 years since I began to seriously go down a dark path. I emulated madmen, I tried to be "tough", I tried to be a "loadie", it didn't work. I failed myself, my family, my possessions, my responsibilities, my dreams and goals and forfeited more than i can fathom. I ruined friendships, and caused great harm. I've broken every rule and threw away the warped morals and sensitivities that I had for a coarse lie that i perpetuated through the course of those wasted years. My skull hurts. I can feel the pain. I am coming down from something about one thousand times stronger than methamphetamine and cocaine was pumping through my pathetic body. My knuckles are finally popping and the feeling in my hands is returning.
I began to be violent, i am so very bad at that. I hate violence. I don't like football, even. I am a bookworm. I am a "nerd", not like those on "TV", or anything else, I may seem minimalist, and abstract and strange, but i warped myself and corrupted myself into a pit that i have no idea if i can, but i need to get out. I like Role Playing Gmaes, but I do not get along with players. I dislike online video games because I think that the code and story should be able to stand on its own. i like function, not competition. i don' compete well. i do not play well with others.
The time that i spent trying to make people happy and throwing my self and everything i was and had away was far too long.
here are the things that i am wanting to work on-
1. Zydes Franchise
2. inventions -
hyperfarming
iVend
MUTS
3. Book(s)
Ghost Stories (As I Remember Correctly - Stories, Poems, and Legends, of Horror, The Macabre, and Strange by A.D. Willoughby)
- 55 MPH Notes - Free / Finished
- Brainlick Drips free/ done
OF Heaven and of Hell.
They are real.
The Bible isn't just a thing about Jesus. It's a guidebook for simple and safe living.
The things about not coveting another man's woman and to be mellow and strong and safe are all good things. I wish I never even got into partying and all the bullshit that went along with it. I've lost and destroyed far far too much. Gluttony is bad, drinking too much is bad. All the stuff that they talk about in there is pretty on the ball and simple. You don't even have to really be all the Christian to really dig it, you know. If you go out and start fights with people when you're drunk, you will get your ass beat, you will get your ass beat or killed. Hell is real. Hell is not working and being a clean and straight minded individual that people can trust and feel safe around. Hell is being in skin that doesn't remember what has happened for years at a time. Hell is looking back at the realization of wrong doing and feeling incredible guilt and sorrow. Hell is being so high that one couldn't feel even the pain of a severe beating and not knowing when it happened or why for months at a time. Hell is coming back from a bender and realizing that almost over two years of time, people have been stealing your posessions from your own home and bedroom while you were out bar-hopping and destroying yourself and blaming others.
Hell is losing friends, contact with family, access to places of Business and activity and respect from the community. Hell is knowing full well that I've been chasing NOTHING BUT AN IMAGE ALL OF MY LIFE, IT SEEMS. THE PICTURE OF EVIL, REBELLION, DESTRUCTION. I feel it was strong, it was strong in the wrong ways, it drew me in, it drew me in like a fish on a line. I kept getting more and more and more drawn in and i fell off the side of the planet and I feel so bad about the things that I have down while in my altered states of mind that i find it ridiculous. My once bright and young and shining eyes have gotten dull and strained from the whacks to my skull. My vision is strained from the years of drink and debauchery. I have lost. I have lost.
My wish, when I was younger, was to write, and to act , and to perform music and do art. I have done all those things. I am NOT a GOOD ROCK SINGER. The Image ATE ME ALIVE. I was being exploited and I let demons into my very soul, heart, mind, and Body. I corrupted myself so very much and I hurt the people I love and cared about very much.
I should have just stayed home and read my comic books, I should have just stayed home. I wish I never ever did one line of Speed. October 30, 1996... 15 years ago TONIGHT. I've failed for 15 years. FUCK GOING TO PARTIES. I suck around people because i don't think like them, I think about computers all the time and video games and my game and my empire and the music I enjoy. IM NOT A GOOD PUNK ROCKER. NO EFFING WAY. FUCK THAT SHIT. DONE. LET ME HAVE MY BOOKS AND MY DICE AND MY VIDEO GAMES! LET ME HAVE WHAT I HAVE LEFT. I LOVE CHERYL VERY MUCH. SHE IS MY DARLING AND I DREAM ABOUT HER STILL WITH EVERY DRIP OF MY BRAIN.
Heaven... what is heaven?
Heaven is spending quiet time at home with family. Heaven is being Nice. Heaven is having a nice reputation. Heaven is being good to oneself. Heaven is Not being mean. Heaven is knowing that you are safe, with roof above one's head, food in stomach, and positives in ones head. Heaven is feeling good about oneself without having to use drugs to do so. Heaven is making the one you love smile. Heaven is having good friends and doing good in life, without having to do drugs to be "cool". COOL IS NOT REAL. YOU CAN ONLY BE YOURSELF. YOU CANNOT BE "COOL". IT IS A FARCE.
Heaven is being strong in the face of difficulty and confident about challenges ahead,.
I will try to make sure, that if I have children, that they never get to low or hard on themselves, that they never ever do any powder drugs or shove anything up their noses. Or pills and to not run around like I did and terrorize the town I once loved as a child.
I will TRY to teach them to not drink, and to not hide in bottles and hide in drugs. it isn't right nd I did nothing but mess up my life for the last decade and a half. I tried to be a badass, i tied to be cool. It didn't work. I hate what I've done and want to flip around my life./ The stuff I start is far far too much. I did not mean to harm or terrorize the people of this planet at all. My aim got lost, I suffered from depression and instead of asking for professional help, I medicated myself to a point that i don't know where the hell I was for the last two decades.
I have my mind, what's left of it. I am not in jail. I have my Mom. I have what's left of my belongings. I can breathe. I can use my computer, I can play video games. I can read.
I can sip a glass of water. I can pet the cats. I can take a nap. I can write. I can eat a snack. I can make a baked potato. I can make games. I can smile. I can make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. I can make a cup of tea. I can recite poetry. I seriously dislike what I had to do to feel good about who I am, and that it's okay to be ME, finally.
I would rather cry, hide inside at home.
My knuckles are healing as well as my skull and the rest of my body.
I was an ass for far too long.
So, In closing. Colonel Depp. It is my honest wish that I see this film,, but, in my present state of mind I fear for the safety of the people of Earth, and must postpone said viewing of said film until relocated away from the vicinity of this City and away from any people living, dead, or otherwise thinking beings or entities that I may do harm unto in whatever triggered state this film may or may not summon in my brain.
Best Wishes-
A. D. WIlloughby
I don't know if I'll be able to view the new film right off the bat for a few reasons.
1/ A - Low Funds.
2 / B - Recovery. It will be 15 years since I began to seriously go down a dark path. I emulated madmen, I tried to be "tough", I tried to be a "loadie", it didn't work. I failed myself, my family, my possessions, my responsibilities, my dreams and goals and forfeited more than i can fathom. I ruined friendships, and caused great harm. I've broken every rule and threw away the warped morals and sensitivities that I had for a coarse lie that i perpetuated through the course of those wasted years. My skull hurts. I can feel the pain. I am coming down from something about one thousand times stronger than methamphetamine and cocaine was pumping through my pathetic body. My knuckles are finally popping and the feeling in my hands is returning.
I began to be violent, i am so very bad at that. I hate violence. I don't like football, even. I am a bookworm. I am a "nerd", not like those on "TV", or anything else, I may seem minimalist, and abstract and strange, but i warped myself and corrupted myself into a pit that i have no idea if i can, but i need to get out. I like Role Playing Gmaes, but I do not get along with players. I dislike online video games because I think that the code and story should be able to stand on its own. i like function, not competition. i don' compete well. i do not play well with others.
The time that i spent trying to make people happy and throwing my self and everything i was and had away was far too long.
here are the things that i am wanting to work on-
1. Zydes Franchise
2. inventions -
hyperfarming
iVend
MUTS
3. Book(s)
Ghost Stories (As I Remember Correctly - Stories, Poems, and Legends, of Horror, The Macabre, and Strange by A.D. Willoughby)
- 55 MPH Notes - Free / Finished
- Brainlick Drips free/ done
OF Heaven and of Hell.
They are real.
The Bible isn't just a thing about Jesus. It's a guidebook for simple and safe living.
The things about not coveting another man's woman and to be mellow and strong and safe are all good things. I wish I never even got into partying and all the bullshit that went along with it. I've lost and destroyed far far too much. Gluttony is bad, drinking too much is bad. All the stuff that they talk about in there is pretty on the ball and simple. You don't even have to really be all the Christian to really dig it, you know. If you go out and start fights with people when you're drunk, you will get your ass beat, you will get your ass beat or killed. Hell is real. Hell is not working and being a clean and straight minded individual that people can trust and feel safe around. Hell is being in skin that doesn't remember what has happened for years at a time. Hell is looking back at the realization of wrong doing and feeling incredible guilt and sorrow. Hell is being so high that one couldn't feel even the pain of a severe beating and not knowing when it happened or why for months at a time. Hell is coming back from a bender and realizing that almost over two years of time, people have been stealing your posessions from your own home and bedroom while you were out bar-hopping and destroying yourself and blaming others.
Hell is losing friends, contact with family, access to places of Business and activity and respect from the community. Hell is knowing full well that I've been chasing NOTHING BUT AN IMAGE ALL OF MY LIFE, IT SEEMS. THE PICTURE OF EVIL, REBELLION, DESTRUCTION. I feel it was strong, it was strong in the wrong ways, it drew me in, it drew me in like a fish on a line. I kept getting more and more and more drawn in and i fell off the side of the planet and I feel so bad about the things that I have down while in my altered states of mind that i find it ridiculous. My once bright and young and shining eyes have gotten dull and strained from the whacks to my skull. My vision is strained from the years of drink and debauchery. I have lost. I have lost.
My wish, when I was younger, was to write, and to act , and to perform music and do art. I have done all those things. I am NOT a GOOD ROCK SINGER. The Image ATE ME ALIVE. I was being exploited and I let demons into my very soul, heart, mind, and Body. I corrupted myself so very much and I hurt the people I love and cared about very much.
I should have just stayed home and read my comic books, I should have just stayed home. I wish I never ever did one line of Speed. October 30, 1996... 15 years ago TONIGHT. I've failed for 15 years. FUCK GOING TO PARTIES. I suck around people because i don't think like them, I think about computers all the time and video games and my game and my empire and the music I enjoy. IM NOT A GOOD PUNK ROCKER. NO EFFING WAY. FUCK THAT SHIT. DONE. LET ME HAVE MY BOOKS AND MY DICE AND MY VIDEO GAMES! LET ME HAVE WHAT I HAVE LEFT. I LOVE CHERYL VERY MUCH. SHE IS MY DARLING AND I DREAM ABOUT HER STILL WITH EVERY DRIP OF MY BRAIN.
Heaven... what is heaven?
Heaven is spending quiet time at home with family. Heaven is being Nice. Heaven is having a nice reputation. Heaven is being good to oneself. Heaven is Not being mean. Heaven is knowing that you are safe, with roof above one's head, food in stomach, and positives in ones head. Heaven is feeling good about oneself without having to use drugs to do so. Heaven is making the one you love smile. Heaven is having good friends and doing good in life, without having to do drugs to be "cool". COOL IS NOT REAL. YOU CAN ONLY BE YOURSELF. YOU CANNOT BE "COOL". IT IS A FARCE.
Heaven is being strong in the face of difficulty and confident about challenges ahead,.
I will try to make sure, that if I have children, that they never get to low or hard on themselves, that they never ever do any powder drugs or shove anything up their noses. Or pills and to not run around like I did and terrorize the town I once loved as a child.
I will TRY to teach them to not drink, and to not hide in bottles and hide in drugs. it isn't right nd I did nothing but mess up my life for the last decade and a half. I tried to be a badass, i tied to be cool. It didn't work. I hate what I've done and want to flip around my life./ The stuff I start is far far too much. I did not mean to harm or terrorize the people of this planet at all. My aim got lost, I suffered from depression and instead of asking for professional help, I medicated myself to a point that i don't know where the hell I was for the last two decades.
I have my mind, what's left of it. I am not in jail. I have my Mom. I have what's left of my belongings. I can breathe. I can use my computer, I can play video games. I can read.
I can sip a glass of water. I can pet the cats. I can take a nap. I can write. I can eat a snack. I can make a baked potato. I can make games. I can smile. I can make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. I can make a cup of tea. I can recite poetry. I seriously dislike what I had to do to feel good about who I am, and that it's okay to be ME, finally.
I would rather cry, hide inside at home.
My knuckles are healing as well as my skull and the rest of my body.
I was an ass for far too long.
So, In closing. Colonel Depp. It is my honest wish that I see this film,, but, in my present state of mind I fear for the safety of the people of Earth, and must postpone said viewing of said film until relocated away from the vicinity of this City and away from any people living, dead, or otherwise thinking beings or entities that I may do harm unto in whatever triggered state this film may or may not summon in my brain.
Best Wishes-
A. D. WIlloughby
Comments
Post a Comment