and in the end

"OH I'd BET YOU'D LOOOVVVE TO PLAY A SHOW OR A PARTy, HUH, You fucking junkie pervert motherfucker",  the guitarist barked at me after i asked the group if we were even gonna ever play anything or if this was the Heavy Meatall thing and the Throw Olly under the Bus thing.  everyone turned their head.  and i could hear them gigle a little bit, snicker, and then work on yet another fucking metal thing.
i was being cut out.

"well" , thought to myself... 
"what to do, what to do???"

my literary agency wants me to live with my mom forever 'cause she thinks its okay, and i'm like young and all that, so... okay whatever.  Maybe i can stop slamming every damn substance into my body in the meantime, learn how to sleep... eat food again, remove myself from the reigns of ickyness.

Joni Mitchell was right, that jealous loving will make you crazy.

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