... i don't know how.
ERIC:
"YOU SHOULDN't BE TELLING ME THIS, ALEX, God Damnit, You've just not only blow n your cover, you've disgusted me, and put our freindship at what i can honestly say is an unerstatement .. in a STRANGE Spot-"
ALEX:
"well, shit always comes out in the wash, man... ", alex said in a somewhat bubbly and off tempo voice.
ERIC:
"are you doing ok?, man, How fucked up are you... you on pills again?"
ALEX:
YES, Slightly and Yes, I mean i don't know, after the first gallon or two i tend to get a little ... wierd, you know that, captain flyboy".
ERIC:
Stop calling me that, you asshole, you could be up in the air too, had you just go to rehab and stop this constant crap. But of course, you can' just stand up for yourself and tell that lying cheating slut of a QUOTE Unquote WIFE of yours to leave and move into her QUOTE UNQUOTE friend of hers' house, who is actually your old band mate, because you've never made her happy, and she just wants to make your life a living hell till your dead, then a couple months after because your MOM, who your take care of too, has a heart condition and can't do much ... DAMNIT MAN, why can't your brain just wake up and fly right. You used to be the best... the best man, the best 8bit hacker and trafficking assistant that we ever had. How much money did you pull in that one night from when you ISO-Retracked those phone numbers in Turkey for us to get the hash out. Three Thousand Dollars... for what 16 minutes of work? I can't even make that in a day, and I'm the boss of this ...company.
ALEX:
WHY Are you yelling at me, many, why are you doing this to me??? You know I can't just up and leave.
ERIC:
Because, No one else is doing it, are they? Who else is doing it for you, or to you. You can't get laid because you're always so trashed that every girl you bump into thinks you're a FUCKING CARTOON walking, and a punch line to many to many jokes about "Alexander Bam Hell", and whatnot, It isn't fun anymore, it isn't funny... it's bad. It's sad. Why do you want to release a filthy book like "BrainDrips", it's sad as heck... No one, especially your friends and family nor anyone that has an OUNCE of respect would like to read. TRIM IT DOWN, cut out the beatings, make it happy.
ALEX:
NO WAY, it'll take out the reality, the "true GONZO of it", ... but... (alex sighs), yeah, you're right, I shouldn't have it be all ... yucky and shit. I should cal;l my agent again and tell them that I have to red pen some...
-before Alex can continue, he is cut off by ERIC
ERIC:
DO IT, fire up that damned Windows machine fucking PC and DO it, dammit man, YOU have no reason to sit there, NO reason why you aren't on and ISLAND once in a while like me, why you're not experiencing LIFE isntead of sitting there on your ass and getting as drunk as fuck in YOUR MOM'S HOUSE, BREAKING YOUR MOM's SHIT, NOT SATISFYING YOUR OWN LADY, Pissing off your income, stopping all the research that you did, tossing your education to the gutter, along with your piss and all the broken glass and god knows what else, weapons, money... SONOFABITCH. Why don't you just get straight. You don't have to live and write like this, it's not only dangerous, it's stupid. I mean, fuck, I'm scared. I'm frightened for you , man. Please stop it. Sleep, Food, Exercise, It's gonna hurt like hell, especailly for you. How long have you been drinking?
ALEX:
82 or 83 so. Knew how to rolla jay by age eight, knew how to lick pussy at age eight too.
ERIC:
Dear God, Man. WHAT, why didn't you go to High School, that's right, you got picked on a lot... Same like now, huh? Why do you think that?
ALEX:
Because I'm too fucked up.
ERIC:
Bing-Go, kid, you just got the 65,000 dollar question, and you won.
ALEX:
Whoah"
ERIC:
Yeah, how are they supposed to repect or even deal with a sonofabitch who is perpetually blitzed on some substance or another. Your depression is your main addiction, the other one is your gullability, your blind faith in a candy coated bright plastic toy game world is SHIT. You're lying to yourself to heal the wounds that you perpetually tear open when the scabs begin to set in. Your thinking isn't good, kiddo. You didn't get laid, even though there were chances hitting you like machine gun rounds. You've turned down more leg than I can even comprehend, probably. WHY did you feel that you couldn't screw? All you had to do was be honest and say, hey, I'M a VIRGIN, HELP ME, please, and they would have been on your ass like stink ON shit, kiddo. STOP BEING SO SHY, You're not demure, you're not a classy english gentleman who like to play hard to get, You're a Hell's Angel's Kid, you were born in L.A., Stop being a douche. You don't have to be Johnny Badass, or captain wastoid anymore. You did the thing with the drugs, and ... You died. You tried drinking like fuck... You died. It's a fucking Miricale that you're here right now, DO YOU KNOW THAT? Why don't you start living like it's important.
ALEX:
You Don't know what it's like!
You don't know what it's like to be bullied basicall by every one that you know, and punked and bitched at and picked on and made fun of. EVERY TIME I go to he BAR I GET CALLED GAY, and
-interrupt -
ERIC:
SHUT UP. We're all Different. No , you're NOT In a band, No, You're Not Metal, You're Not Punk, You're NOT 14 anymore, You're NOT Ten. You're 33. Thirty Fucking Three man. How does that make you feel? What have you done? Where's your prize? Why don't you catch that brass ring? Have you still got a book to write poems IN? Can you write some Nice ones? Possibly?
ALEX:
I DON'T Know HOW.
ERIC:
What about that one thing that's been haunting your dreams for the last effing DECADE, can you write about that? OR do something with it??? Or... Something? You do know how. If you forgot how, you can learn it again. Just like a bag of weed, just get another one and get rollin'. Everyone know you're one of the most talented writers we know, and no one can tell your story like you could. Let's just let it be the RIGHT STORIES, okay? How much money do you have, right now?
ALEX:
55 cents. 12 bux on the ATM, I'm not sure. Why do you want to know that?
ERIC:
Well, you could get some music together and a new ebook, put it in word fromat or PDF and get it into the Library Of Congress, get serious, get a website done, eat some food and STOP pilling it up becasue WAHHH IM SO SAD, I'M LONELY WAHHH, It's old, and it's stupid as hell, and no one is going to take it. People Are very Weary of you. You've become more af a liability than an Investment. The World is looking at you and the THINGS YOU DO, and they are looking down on you. Your shenanigans have cast you into a frame from which will be dare i say... difficult to get out of. But I beleive in you, and I know You can do it. I've seen you do it before. You were sharp, like a razor blade, or one of those exactos you like doodling on your arms with so much.
ALEX:
Stop. Just give me a break.
ERIC:
How long of a break. What if I just stop calling you to check in. What if that happens? Why don't you ask yourself how much more of a break you need. How much more time do you have to lie to yourself and tell yourself everything's cool when it's absolute shit, how much more time do you need to get so fucked up that you black out and do shit you'll get beat up and or killed from. You are the one who not only has to ask that question to yourself, but also has to answer it... TO YOURSELF. You're the pistol, the bullet, the trigger and the action iteslf, the target, even is you. Your patience will be tried and your thought will be tormented, your brain will burn like fire, but you'll be ALIVE. is that good enough? IS that good Enough For you? Ask Yourself. Holidays are here. What have you got to be thankful for? Thanksgiving. Are you thankful for being alive? Do you want to be a zombie for the rest of your life?
ALEX:
Yes. Of course I'm thankful I'm just... I dunno. slumpy or kind of down. (pause)
It hurts.
ERIC:
It isn't gonna be easy, especially not for you. But i think you'll make it. Try Jogging when you move outta that place and get to a place that you can do that in. Stop getting plastercated and doing stupid shit. Try artwork If you want to do stupid shit. If it makes you smile, DO IT, when you're out doing all those crzy things, why not DO CRAZY art work.
ALEX:
NO ONE LIKES ART HERE, NO ONE READS HERE< I DON"T KNOW IF I'LL BE ACCEPTED ANYWHERE BECASUE I'VE FUCKED UP TOO MUCH.
ERIC:
JUST Do it for doing it's sake. It will become clear why when the time is right. Even if you don't release it to the public, get your batches of expression together, compile them, classify them as collections or compilations if they are more than one media, follow the rules, it's only 35 bucks man, and it's protected It's yours and protected. Better than your sex life.
ALEX:
Okay, fuck it, I'm calling a shrink and a Health Club. I'm sick of this.
Gotta go, man.-
-TBC-
12:25pm 11/27/09
-om
"YOU SHOULDN't BE TELLING ME THIS, ALEX, God Damnit, You've just not only blow n your cover, you've disgusted me, and put our freindship at what i can honestly say is an unerstatement .. in a STRANGE Spot-"
ALEX:
"well, shit always comes out in the wash, man... ", alex said in a somewhat bubbly and off tempo voice.
ERIC:
"are you doing ok?, man, How fucked up are you... you on pills again?"
ALEX:
YES, Slightly and Yes, I mean i don't know, after the first gallon or two i tend to get a little ... wierd, you know that, captain flyboy".
ERIC:
Stop calling me that, you asshole, you could be up in the air too, had you just go to rehab and stop this constant crap. But of course, you can' just stand up for yourself and tell that lying cheating slut of a QUOTE Unquote WIFE of yours to leave and move into her QUOTE UNQUOTE friend of hers' house, who is actually your old band mate, because you've never made her happy, and she just wants to make your life a living hell till your dead, then a couple months after because your MOM, who your take care of too, has a heart condition and can't do much ... DAMNIT MAN, why can't your brain just wake up and fly right. You used to be the best... the best man, the best 8bit hacker and trafficking assistant that we ever had. How much money did you pull in that one night from when you ISO-Retracked those phone numbers in Turkey for us to get the hash out. Three Thousand Dollars... for what 16 minutes of work? I can't even make that in a day, and I'm the boss of this ...company.
ALEX:
WHY Are you yelling at me, many, why are you doing this to me??? You know I can't just up and leave.
ERIC:
Because, No one else is doing it, are they? Who else is doing it for you, or to you. You can't get laid because you're always so trashed that every girl you bump into thinks you're a FUCKING CARTOON walking, and a punch line to many to many jokes about "Alexander Bam Hell", and whatnot, It isn't fun anymore, it isn't funny... it's bad. It's sad. Why do you want to release a filthy book like "BrainDrips", it's sad as heck... No one, especially your friends and family nor anyone that has an OUNCE of respect would like to read. TRIM IT DOWN, cut out the beatings, make it happy.
ALEX:
NO WAY, it'll take out the reality, the "true GONZO of it", ... but... (alex sighs), yeah, you're right, I shouldn't have it be all ... yucky and shit. I should cal;l my agent again and tell them that I have to red pen some...
-before Alex can continue, he is cut off by ERIC
ERIC:
DO IT, fire up that damned Windows machine fucking PC and DO it, dammit man, YOU have no reason to sit there, NO reason why you aren't on and ISLAND once in a while like me, why you're not experiencing LIFE isntead of sitting there on your ass and getting as drunk as fuck in YOUR MOM'S HOUSE, BREAKING YOUR MOM's SHIT, NOT SATISFYING YOUR OWN LADY, Pissing off your income, stopping all the research that you did, tossing your education to the gutter, along with your piss and all the broken glass and god knows what else, weapons, money... SONOFABITCH. Why don't you just get straight. You don't have to live and write like this, it's not only dangerous, it's stupid. I mean, fuck, I'm scared. I'm frightened for you , man. Please stop it. Sleep, Food, Exercise, It's gonna hurt like hell, especailly for you. How long have you been drinking?
ALEX:
82 or 83 so. Knew how to rolla jay by age eight, knew how to lick pussy at age eight too.
ERIC:
Dear God, Man. WHAT, why didn't you go to High School, that's right, you got picked on a lot... Same like now, huh? Why do you think that?
ALEX:
Because I'm too fucked up.
ERIC:
Bing-Go, kid, you just got the 65,000 dollar question, and you won.
ALEX:
Whoah"
ERIC:
Yeah, how are they supposed to repect or even deal with a sonofabitch who is perpetually blitzed on some substance or another. Your depression is your main addiction, the other one is your gullability, your blind faith in a candy coated bright plastic toy game world is SHIT. You're lying to yourself to heal the wounds that you perpetually tear open when the scabs begin to set in. Your thinking isn't good, kiddo. You didn't get laid, even though there were chances hitting you like machine gun rounds. You've turned down more leg than I can even comprehend, probably. WHY did you feel that you couldn't screw? All you had to do was be honest and say, hey, I'M a VIRGIN, HELP ME, please, and they would have been on your ass like stink ON shit, kiddo. STOP BEING SO SHY, You're not demure, you're not a classy english gentleman who like to play hard to get, You're a Hell's Angel's Kid, you were born in L.A., Stop being a douche. You don't have to be Johnny Badass, or captain wastoid anymore. You did the thing with the drugs, and ... You died. You tried drinking like fuck... You died. It's a fucking Miricale that you're here right now, DO YOU KNOW THAT? Why don't you start living like it's important.
ALEX:
You Don't know what it's like!
You don't know what it's like to be bullied basicall by every one that you know, and punked and bitched at and picked on and made fun of. EVERY TIME I go to he BAR I GET CALLED GAY, and
-interrupt -
ERIC:
SHUT UP. We're all Different. No , you're NOT In a band, No, You're Not Metal, You're Not Punk, You're NOT 14 anymore, You're NOT Ten. You're 33. Thirty Fucking Three man. How does that make you feel? What have you done? Where's your prize? Why don't you catch that brass ring? Have you still got a book to write poems IN? Can you write some Nice ones? Possibly?
ALEX:
I DON'T Know HOW.
ERIC:
What about that one thing that's been haunting your dreams for the last effing DECADE, can you write about that? OR do something with it??? Or... Something? You do know how. If you forgot how, you can learn it again. Just like a bag of weed, just get another one and get rollin'. Everyone know you're one of the most talented writers we know, and no one can tell your story like you could. Let's just let it be the RIGHT STORIES, okay? How much money do you have, right now?
ALEX:
55 cents. 12 bux on the ATM, I'm not sure. Why do you want to know that?
ERIC:
Well, you could get some music together and a new ebook, put it in word fromat or PDF and get it into the Library Of Congress, get serious, get a website done, eat some food and STOP pilling it up becasue WAHHH IM SO SAD, I'M LONELY WAHHH, It's old, and it's stupid as hell, and no one is going to take it. People Are very Weary of you. You've become more af a liability than an Investment. The World is looking at you and the THINGS YOU DO, and they are looking down on you. Your shenanigans have cast you into a frame from which will be dare i say... difficult to get out of. But I beleive in you, and I know You can do it. I've seen you do it before. You were sharp, like a razor blade, or one of those exactos you like doodling on your arms with so much.
ALEX:
Stop. Just give me a break.
ERIC:
How long of a break. What if I just stop calling you to check in. What if that happens? Why don't you ask yourself how much more of a break you need. How much more time do you have to lie to yourself and tell yourself everything's cool when it's absolute shit, how much more time do you need to get so fucked up that you black out and do shit you'll get beat up and or killed from. You are the one who not only has to ask that question to yourself, but also has to answer it... TO YOURSELF. You're the pistol, the bullet, the trigger and the action iteslf, the target, even is you. Your patience will be tried and your thought will be tormented, your brain will burn like fire, but you'll be ALIVE. is that good enough? IS that good Enough For you? Ask Yourself. Holidays are here. What have you got to be thankful for? Thanksgiving. Are you thankful for being alive? Do you want to be a zombie for the rest of your life?
ALEX:
Yes. Of course I'm thankful I'm just... I dunno. slumpy or kind of down. (pause)
It hurts.
ERIC:
It isn't gonna be easy, especially not for you. But i think you'll make it. Try Jogging when you move outta that place and get to a place that you can do that in. Stop getting plastercated and doing stupid shit. Try artwork If you want to do stupid shit. If it makes you smile, DO IT, when you're out doing all those crzy things, why not DO CRAZY art work.
ALEX:
NO ONE LIKES ART HERE, NO ONE READS HERE< I DON"T KNOW IF I'LL BE ACCEPTED ANYWHERE BECASUE I'VE FUCKED UP TOO MUCH.
ERIC:
JUST Do it for doing it's sake. It will become clear why when the time is right. Even if you don't release it to the public, get your batches of expression together, compile them, classify them as collections or compilations if they are more than one media, follow the rules, it's only 35 bucks man, and it's protected It's yours and protected. Better than your sex life.
ALEX:
Okay, fuck it, I'm calling a shrink and a Health Club. I'm sick of this.
Gotta go, man.-
-TBC-
12:25pm 11/27/09
-om
Comments
Post a Comment