Who I Am
My Name is Zilch.
I am 33.
I had my library card at age two and knew how to use that fucker.
I passed my high school curriculum in 5 weeks.
I tried to hang out with criminals, addicts, weirdos, and hell raisers.
I tried to fit in with the Dungeons and Dragons set, the Japanese Animation set, and the Goths, I tried hanging out with sluts and the rich, I tried hanging out with the homeless and the metally ill.
I tried hanging out with myself.
I tried hanging out with gangsters and bikers, I tried hanging out with occultists. I tried hangin out with the bookish, I tried hanging out with video gamers. I tried.
I found a voice in poetry, found hope in the words of, Laurie Anderson, The Residents, and found lost innocence and simple, yet abundant joy in a character that I hated, due to external pressure; Mickey Mouse.
I found love, Lost love, and am learning to find myself.
I'm not who they think I was anymore.
I wish there was a place.
A place that I could read my poetry and not be treated like a nerd, to be picked on and tore apart by the
mindless masses running on their plastic hate fuel and spitting foul words out like the exhaust pumping from
the tailpipe of it's cadillac bloated obsolete death ten dollars for less than an eighth of a tank of the same old
same old.
I want poetry and spoken word stuff, and stand up and writing, and free-form expression and art treated in the same regard and held the same amount of attention grabbing groupie getting exciting as all fuck, kick ass, damn that was good, I hella enjoyed it good time had for all instead of feeling that bands are the only ones who have the right to have any stage presence at all self destructive mode.
I'm sick of waking up in orgies where I have no one to fuck. I'm sick of the fact that I live in the highest booze comsuming and drug consuming counties in the whole damn state. I'm sick of the drug laws that make weed illegal and make people die that are right here in AMERICA, not IRAQ, Not Afghanistan, Not Pakistan, Not anywhere else but right here, and that's where I think that we should be pointing our fingers and looking to try to fix things. The rest of the world SUCKS. We need to realize that. We need to realize that the middle east is a place that has had WARS happening since... shit I don't know, and that's my right as a free citizen to say. I don't know how long these factions have been fighting amongst themselves and MAYBE we NEED TO STOP trying to get in the middle of it, because all that we are doing, IS DYING over there, and we COULD be dying here liberating our own damn country. Motherfucker.
You, ARMED FORCES, get your asses back home, put bullets in he heads of these pricks HERE, let the people over there KILL THEMSELVES. They're not helping us. They can't DO SHIT. ALL THEY DO IS KILL. Let them police their own fucked up borders. We have our own WAR TO FIGHT here at home.
There is NO balance of output to input. There ARE NO Iraqis over here fighting drug and gang violence, There are no Afghanistan people ON OUR SHORES Fighting OUR CRIME. I may sound like a racist, because I have such a small world view, or maybe I am small, maybe because the world makes me that way. You see, I went to college. For training. Training in COMPUTERS. If the stupid little god damned commercials and promos and all that other crap made computer work look like a VALID field to accept and get into, that made us brighter, and that bright people would be ACCEPTED and maybe if you WERE BRIGHT and into technology, you wold have a field that not only tickled your own fancy, but also brought a tad bit of happiness and joy into people's minds, hearts and lives, as well as being able to put a roof over one's own and their family's own heads.
If you were to tell me that I was gonna be living at my mom's house living in an intellectually challenged (understatement), financially strapped, socially corrupt, and or otherwise couold be called completely pointless to be in this hell hole except in you're suicidal.
What they should teach in colleges, instead of high tech, when we're outsourcing the jobs and feeding India, and wherever else the jobs are:
-How to flip Burgers
-How to get laid
-How to accept the fact that money rules this country and everything that our forefathers fought for has GONE TO SHIT. What they say they're doing on television, is just that, Television, nothing less nothing more. No bull. Tell Americans that the jobs that they need are not here, tell them that there is NO HOPE, be honest. Tell them the truth. Tell them that Sally doesn't want to Mary, settle down and have kids. Sally wants to got train fuck 5 to 12 guys at your former friends house, who she's also fucking, come back to you, and lie straight faced at your sorry desperate overspecialized ass, and go out the next day, for another 4 day romp, all around the town that you thought you could move to, because you thought it was SAFE to go there.
FUCK SCHOOL.
You don't learn shit there, really. Hate it.
They should only go to about 8th grade, I think, after that, it's just for work, and overspecialization. Then come the death, then come the death, then come the hate and the things that they WANT YOU TO DO, you are aimless.
If you can't get laid and fuck good by age 15 you should be shot dead, because, you are COMPLETELY USELESS to the machine.
my advice to you, while I'm trying to bark at you all, is... RUN, as fast as you can, as far as you can, (if you're in a place that you can, SAFELY), or give up, or shoot someone else. Don't shoot yourself. Kurt Cobain shot himself. To hell with that shit. When the pressure of selling out keeps at the backdoor like a non-ending drunk bastard that wont stop screaming and or a dog or cat that won't stop howling, take a long walk. If you're safe. Take a breath in. A deep one, if you can. Look at all that you have made, look at all that you have done. Justify your existence. Don't lie to yourself though. Lying makes it work. The only person you need to tell the real truth to, is yourself, okay? The game is to get as much of everything as you can in life. No matter whose rules you have to abide by or break to be able to get what you need. Survival of the fittest. Don't get killed. Don't get so wasted that you get knifed up. Don't get so out of it that you don't know where you are. Don't piss years of your life away trying to be something you're not. If you're an outsider, take notes.
If you're in a band or you're rich, or are a hottie or a thug. Enjoy the sex, there are people out there who'd kill for it.
Book Learners, this planet don't take too kindly to yer type round these parts.
best wishes.
-om-
I am 33.
I had my library card at age two and knew how to use that fucker.
I passed my high school curriculum in 5 weeks.
I tried to hang out with criminals, addicts, weirdos, and hell raisers.
I tried to fit in with the Dungeons and Dragons set, the Japanese Animation set, and the Goths, I tried hanging out with sluts and the rich, I tried hanging out with the homeless and the metally ill.
I tried hanging out with myself.
I tried hanging out with gangsters and bikers, I tried hanging out with occultists. I tried hangin out with the bookish, I tried hanging out with video gamers. I tried.
I found a voice in poetry, found hope in the words of, Laurie Anderson, The Residents, and found lost innocence and simple, yet abundant joy in a character that I hated, due to external pressure; Mickey Mouse.
I found love, Lost love, and am learning to find myself.
I'm not who they think I was anymore.
I wish there was a place.
A place that I could read my poetry and not be treated like a nerd, to be picked on and tore apart by the
mindless masses running on their plastic hate fuel and spitting foul words out like the exhaust pumping from
the tailpipe of it's cadillac bloated obsolete death ten dollars for less than an eighth of a tank of the same old
same old.
I want poetry and spoken word stuff, and stand up and writing, and free-form expression and art treated in the same regard and held the same amount of attention grabbing groupie getting exciting as all fuck, kick ass, damn that was good, I hella enjoyed it good time had for all instead of feeling that bands are the only ones who have the right to have any stage presence at all self destructive mode.
I'm sick of waking up in orgies where I have no one to fuck. I'm sick of the fact that I live in the highest booze comsuming and drug consuming counties in the whole damn state. I'm sick of the drug laws that make weed illegal and make people die that are right here in AMERICA, not IRAQ, Not Afghanistan, Not Pakistan, Not anywhere else but right here, and that's where I think that we should be pointing our fingers and looking to try to fix things. The rest of the world SUCKS. We need to realize that. We need to realize that the middle east is a place that has had WARS happening since... shit I don't know, and that's my right as a free citizen to say. I don't know how long these factions have been fighting amongst themselves and MAYBE we NEED TO STOP trying to get in the middle of it, because all that we are doing, IS DYING over there, and we COULD be dying here liberating our own damn country. Motherfucker.
You, ARMED FORCES, get your asses back home, put bullets in he heads of these pricks HERE, let the people over there KILL THEMSELVES. They're not helping us. They can't DO SHIT. ALL THEY DO IS KILL. Let them police their own fucked up borders. We have our own WAR TO FIGHT here at home.
There is NO balance of output to input. There ARE NO Iraqis over here fighting drug and gang violence, There are no Afghanistan people ON OUR SHORES Fighting OUR CRIME. I may sound like a racist, because I have such a small world view, or maybe I am small, maybe because the world makes me that way. You see, I went to college. For training. Training in COMPUTERS. If the stupid little god damned commercials and promos and all that other crap made computer work look like a VALID field to accept and get into, that made us brighter, and that bright people would be ACCEPTED and maybe if you WERE BRIGHT and into technology, you wold have a field that not only tickled your own fancy, but also brought a tad bit of happiness and joy into people's minds, hearts and lives, as well as being able to put a roof over one's own and their family's own heads.
If you were to tell me that I was gonna be living at my mom's house living in an intellectually challenged (understatement), financially strapped, socially corrupt, and or otherwise couold be called completely pointless to be in this hell hole except in you're suicidal.
What they should teach in colleges, instead of high tech, when we're outsourcing the jobs and feeding India, and wherever else the jobs are:
-How to flip Burgers
-How to get laid
-How to accept the fact that money rules this country and everything that our forefathers fought for has GONE TO SHIT. What they say they're doing on television, is just that, Television, nothing less nothing more. No bull. Tell Americans that the jobs that they need are not here, tell them that there is NO HOPE, be honest. Tell them the truth. Tell them that Sally doesn't want to Mary, settle down and have kids. Sally wants to got train fuck 5 to 12 guys at your former friends house, who she's also fucking, come back to you, and lie straight faced at your sorry desperate overspecialized ass, and go out the next day, for another 4 day romp, all around the town that you thought you could move to, because you thought it was SAFE to go there.
FUCK SCHOOL.
You don't learn shit there, really. Hate it.
They should only go to about 8th grade, I think, after that, it's just for work, and overspecialization. Then come the death, then come the death, then come the hate and the things that they WANT YOU TO DO, you are aimless.
If you can't get laid and fuck good by age 15 you should be shot dead, because, you are COMPLETELY USELESS to the machine.
my advice to you, while I'm trying to bark at you all, is... RUN, as fast as you can, as far as you can, (if you're in a place that you can, SAFELY), or give up, or shoot someone else. Don't shoot yourself. Kurt Cobain shot himself. To hell with that shit. When the pressure of selling out keeps at the backdoor like a non-ending drunk bastard that wont stop screaming and or a dog or cat that won't stop howling, take a long walk. If you're safe. Take a breath in. A deep one, if you can. Look at all that you have made, look at all that you have done. Justify your existence. Don't lie to yourself though. Lying makes it work. The only person you need to tell the real truth to, is yourself, okay? The game is to get as much of everything as you can in life. No matter whose rules you have to abide by or break to be able to get what you need. Survival of the fittest. Don't get killed. Don't get so wasted that you get knifed up. Don't get so out of it that you don't know where you are. Don't piss years of your life away trying to be something you're not. If you're an outsider, take notes.
If you're in a band or you're rich, or are a hottie or a thug. Enjoy the sex, there are people out there who'd kill for it.
Book Learners, this planet don't take too kindly to yer type round these parts.
best wishes.
-om-
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